Caring for Ageing Parents: Estate Planning Conversations to Have Now

As our parents get older, it's natural to start thinking more about their future.

You might be wondering whether they have a current Will. You might have questions about who would make decisions for them if they became unable to make those decisions themselves. You might also be thinking about their healthcare, finances, living arrangements, or what they want to happen at the end of their life.

These conversations can feel awkward.

You don't want your parents to think you're interfering in their affairs, and they may not be ready to talk about getting older or what might happen if they become unwell.

Having the conversation early can make things much easier if the time comes when your family needs to put their plans into action.

You don't need to cover everything in one conversation. Start with the basics, listen to what your parents want, and let the conversation develop over time.

Does Mum or Dad have a current Will?

A good place to start is simply asking whether your parents have a Will and when it was last reviewed.

Their Will should reflect their current family circumstances, assets, and wishes.

Life changes. Your parents may have bought or sold property, received an inheritance, experienced a relationship change, welcomed grandchildren, or changed their views about who they want to benefit from their estate.

You can ask:

• Do you have a Will?

• When was it last reviewed?

• Do you still want the same people to benefit?

• Does someone know where the original Will is kept?

You don't need to know the contents of their Will. The important thing is knowing that a plan exists and that the people who may need to find it can do so.

Who would make decisions if they lost capacity?

This is one of the most important conversations to have.

An Enduring Power of Attorney allows a person to appoint someone they trust to make personal, including health, and financial decisions on their behalf when the relevant authority applies.

Personal decisions can include matters such as where they live, the support services they receive, and their healthcare.

Financial decisions can include paying expenses, managing investments, selling property, and managing other financial affairs. Depending on how the EPA is drafted, financial authority may begin immediately, on a specified date, or when the person loses capacity.

If your parent loses capacity without an appropriate EPA in place, their family may not automatically have authority to make decisions for them. Depending on the circumstances, QCAT may need to appoint a guardian or administrator.

You might ask:

"If you couldn't make decisions for yourself one day, who would you want to make them for you?"

That's often a much easier way to start the conversation than asking whether they've "done their Power of Attorney".

What are their wishes about healthcare?

An Advance Health Directive allows a person to plan for future healthcare decisions while they have capacity.

It can include legally binding directions about future healthcare, as well as information about their views, wishes, and preferences. An AHD can also appoint an attorney for health matters in circumstances where the directions in the AHD don't cover the decision that needs to be made.

This can be an important opportunity for your parents to think about what matters to them and how they want healthcare decisions approached if they can't make those decisions themselves.

You might ask:

• Have you thought about what healthcare you would want if you couldn't speak for yourself?

• Have you made an Advance Health Directive?

• Does your doctor know about your wishes?

• Does someone you trust know where your AHD is kept?

These conversations don't need to focus only on end-of-life treatment. Advance care planning can be about understanding what matters to your parent and making sure their healthcare wishes are known.

What would they want if they could no longer live independently?

This conversation can be more practical than legal.

Ask your parents what they would ideally like their future to look like if they need more help with everyday life.

Would they want to remain at home for as long as possible? Would they consider moving closer to family? What matters most to them about where they live and who supports them?

You may also want to talk about whether they have considered the financial implications of different care arrangements.

You don't need to work out all the answers yourself. The important thing is knowing what matters to them and identifying where professional advice may be needed.

How does their superannuation fit into their estate plan?

Superannuation can be a significant part of someone's wealth, but it doesn't automatically pass under their Will.

The way superannuation and any associated life insurance benefits are dealt with depends on the fund's rules, the member's nominations, the beneficiaries involved, and the circumstances at the time of death.

This is why superannuation should be considered as part of the broader estate plan rather than treated separately.

You might ask:

• Have you reviewed your superannuation nominations recently?

• Do you know who would receive your super if you died?

• Does your superannuation arrangement still reflect your wishes?

• Have you obtained advice about how your super fits with your Will and other assets?

This is one area where tailored legal advice can be particularly useful because the right approach will depend on your parent's circumstances.

Have they thought about their funeral?

Funeral wishes can be surprisingly helpful for families to know in advance.

Your parents might have strong views about whether they want to be buried or cremated, whether they want a formal service, who they want involved, or what sort of music, readings, or other elements they would like.

They might also have already made arrangements with a funeral provider.

These wishes don't necessarily need to be included in the Will. The important thing is that someone knows what your parents want and where any relevant information can be found.

Start with a conversation, not a checklist

You don't need to sit your parents down and ask them 30 questions about death, incapacity, money, and funerals.

That can feel overwhelming for everyone.

Instead, look for an opportunity to start the conversation naturally.

You might say:

"I've been thinking about what we'd need to do if something happened to you. Have you got your estate plan sorted?"

Or:

"I know you've probably thought about this before, but I'd feel better knowing what you'd want us to do if you couldn't make decisions for yourself."

The goal isn't to take control of your parents' affairs. It's to understand what they want and make sure they have the opportunity to put their own decisions in place while they have capacity.

Your parents have the right to make their own decisions about their future, even when those decisions aren't what other family members would choose.

Listen to them. Ask questions. Give them time.

And remember that you don't need to solve everything in one conversation.

A little planning now can make things easier later

Talking about estate planning with your parents can feel uncomfortable, but knowing their wishes can be incredibly valuable for the whole family.

A current Will, appropriate decision-making documents, a clear understanding of their superannuation arrangements, and conversations about healthcare and future care can give everyone greater clarity about what your parents want.