Planning for Your Own Funeral: How to Record Your Wishes
Have you thought about your own funeral? What kind of farewell would you like?
Would you prefer a formal funeral, a simple gathering, or a big celebration of your life? Do you care about the music, the food, the photos, or who is there?
For the people you leave behind, a funeral or other farewell can be an important part of grieving. It can create space to come together, share memories, acknowledge what has happened, and say goodbye.
Your wishes about burial, cremation, and your funeral are also deeply personal. There is no right way to do it.
You may have very clear ideas about what you want. Or you may have absolutely no interest in planning the details. Both are fine.
If your wishes are important to you, recording them can help the people responsible for making arrangements understand what you would have wanted.
Here's how to start thinking about your funeral plans and where to record your wishes.
1. Think About Your Body Disposal Wishes
One of the first decisions you may want to consider is what you would like to happen to your body after you die. Would you prefer burial or cremation?
If you are buried, you might want to think about:
whether you have a preferred cemetery or burial location
whether you already own a burial plot
whether environmental considerations are important to you
what you would like to wear
whether you have any wishes about jewellery or other personal items.
If you are cremated, you may want to consider:
whether you would like your ashes kept, buried, or scattered
whether there is a location that is meaningful to you
whether you would like your ashes kept together or shared between loved ones
whether you are comfortable with your ashes being incorporated into keepsakes.
These are personal decisions, and your preferences may change over time.
2. Consider Whether Environmental Choices Matter to You
If sustainability is important to you, you may want to explore the options available in your area.
Depending on the provider and location, this could include:
biodegradable coffins
shrouds
natural or environmentally focused burial options
ceremonies with a focus on reducing environmental impact
memorial or tree-planting initiatives.
The options available will vary, so it is worth researching what is realistically available if this is something you feel strongly about.
3. Think About the Type of Farewell You Would Like
There is no legal requirement for a formal funeral service. You may prefer:
a traditional religious service
a non-religious ceremony
a graveside service
a memorial service
a celebration of life
a small private gathering
no formal service at all.
Think about the atmosphere you would like to create.
Would you want something formal and traditional? Relaxed and informal? Would you want people wearing black, bright colours, or whatever they feel comfortable in?
You might also have wishes about:
music
readings or poems
photos or videos
flowers
charitable donations
food and drinks
people you would like to speak
a meaningful location.
There are an enormous number of options available, so don't feel like your farewell needs to look like anyone else's.
4. Make a List of People You Would Like Notified
There may be people who you would want to know about your death or your funeral.
Consider keeping a list of:
close family members
friends
former colleagues
important people from earlier stages of your life
anyone you would particularly like your family to contact.
You may also have views about whether you would prefer your funeral to be private or widely attended.
Of course, your family may not always be able to control who attends an open or public service. Recording your preferences can still give them useful guidance about the type of gathering you would have wanted.
5. Consider the Cost
Funerals can be expensive, and you may want to think about how the costs will be met.
Some people choose to prepay for funeral arrangements. Others prefer to set aside funds or leave their executor to arrange and pay for the funeral from the estate.
If you are considering a prepaid funeral plan, read the contract carefully.
Check:
exactly what is included
what is excluded
whether there may be additional costs later
what happens if you move or change your plans
what happens if the provider can no longer provide the agreed services
how your family can access the arrangement when the time comes.
Do not assume that every prepaid arrangement covers every possible cost or that all prices are permanently fixed. The terms of the arrangement matter.
Keep a copy of any relevant contract or information with your estate planning documents and make sure your executor or another trusted person knows where to find it.
6. Record Your Wishes in Your Estate Plan
Your wishes about your body and funeral can be recorded as part of your estate plan. A combination of your Will and Letter of Wishes can work well.
Your Will
Your Will can record important wishes about matters such as burial or cremation.
It can also identify your executor, who will generally be the person responsible for dealing with your deceased estate and, in many circumstances, arranging for the disposal of your body.
Your Will does not operate in relation to your body in the same way it operates in relation to your assets. You cannot own your body after death, and funeral or body disposal wishes recorded in a Will are generally not binding directions that your executor must follow.
For this reason, it is important to appoint an executor you trust to take your wishes seriously.
Your Letter of Wishes
A Letter of Wishes gives you more space to record the details.
You might include your preferences about:
the type of farewell you would like
who you would like notified
whether you would prefer a private or public service
music
readings
photos and videos
the people you would like involved
the location
food and drinks
anything else that matters to you.
Your Letter of Wishes is generally not legally binding, but it can provide valuable guidance for the people responsible for making arrangements.
One of its biggest advantages is that it may be updated more easily as your wishes change.
7. Talk About Your Wishes
One of the biggest problems with recording funeral wishes is that they may not be found until after arrangements have already been made.
Funeral and body disposal decisions often need to be made quickly.
Your executor, partner, or immediate family may not know exactly what you wanted, and they may not know where your Will or Letter of Wishes is stored.
Talk to the people who are likely to be involved in making arrangements. You don't need to give them every detail.
Even a conversation such as, "I've written down what I would like. It's important to me, and you can find it here," can make a significant difference.
8. Review Your Wishes Over Time
Your preferences may change.
The music you loved at 30 may not be the music you want played at 70. You may move to a different part of the country. Your family and relationships may change. You may develop stronger views about burial, cremation, or the type of farewell you would like.
Review your wishes from time to time and update them when needed.
If you make significant changes, make sure the people responsible for carrying out your wishes know that there is an updated version.
A Thoughtful Gift to the People You Leave Behind
Planning your own funeral does not mean planning every minute of the day or trying to control everything that happens after you die.
It can simply mean giving the people you love some guidance.
You might only record that you want to be cremated and have your ashes scattered somewhere meaningful.
Or you might have a detailed playlist, guest list, dress code, catering preferences, and very strong opinions about the photos that should, and absolutely should not, be displayed.
Whatever matters to you, recording your wishes can help the people responsible for making arrangements understand what you would have wanted.
It may also relieve some of the pressure of having to make difficult decisions during an already emotional time.
If you would like to include your funeral and body disposal wishes as part of your estate plan, we can help.