What to send instead of flowers

Sending a bunch of flowers is a traditional sympathy gift. It’s a lovely way to acknowledge someone’s loss, but flowers aren’t always the most helpful thing to receive when you’re grieving.

Here’s why, and some alternatives you might consider sending or offering instead.

Why not flowers?

One word: overwhelm.

When someone dies, the news often spreads through family, friends, workmates, and the wider community over the first few weeks. What starts as a small trickle of flower deliveries can quickly become a whole lot of flowers around the house.

That can be overwhelming in ways you might not expect:

• changing the water in multiple vases

• removing dead flowers

• finding somewhere to put all the arrangements

• having something beautiful and alive in the house that then dies

• strong fragrances, which may be difficult for some people

• the physical and environmental waste associated with some florist arrangements

And when you’re grieving, even small everyday tasks can feel like a lot.

What could you send instead?

We’re not suggesting you shouldn’t send anything. Acknowledging someone’s grief, and showing them that you’re thinking about them and the person who died, can be incredibly meaningful.

Instead of flowers, you could consider:

• a home-cooked meal

• chocolates or another favourite treat

• a handwritten note or card

• a bag of groceries

• an offer to walk the dog

• an offer to do a load of laundry

• babysitting the kids

• accompanying them to an appointment

• a voucher for something practical, like a house clean or garden maintenance

• a voucher for something restorative, like a massage

Sometimes the most helpful gift is your time.

You could send a message saying:

“I’m thinking of you. I’d love to help with something practical. Can I come over and take the kids to the park, walk the dog, or bring you dinner?”

Giving them a few options can make it easier for them to say yes to something they actually need.

A note about sending food

Food can be a wonderful gift, particularly in the early days when cooking feels like too much effort.

But even food can become overwhelming when lots of people have the same idea.

A grieving family can quickly end up with a freezer full of meals, a pile of dishes to return, or food that doesn’t suit their preferences, allergies, or household.

If you’re thinking about sending food, consider asking first or coordinating with other family and friends.

“What would be helpful for dinner this week?” can be much more useful than assuming.

If sending flowers is your thing

Flowers are still a kind and thoughtful gesture. If you love sending flowers to someone who has experienced a loss, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.

You could consider:

• waiting a couple of weeks, when the initial rush of support has slowed down

• sending flowers for a significant date, such as a birthday or anniversary

• taking a small, hand-picked bunch rather than a large arrangement

• bringing flowers yourself and staying for a chat or helping with something practical while you’re there

• coordinating with family and friends so flower deliveries are spread out over a longer period

There’s no perfect way to support someone who is grieving.

The important thing is to think about what might genuinely help that person, rather than what we traditionally send.

Sometimes that’s flowers.

Sometimes it’s a home-cooked meal.

And sometimes it’s turning up with a coffee, walking the dog, folding some washing, or simply sitting beside them.