Could you benefit from a death doula?
Have you heard of a death doula? You might also hear terms like end-of-life doula, death walker, or death companion.
These terms generally describe people who provide non-medical support to individuals and families before, during, and after death. Their work can include emotional support, practical guidance, help with end-of-life planning, and support with grief and bereavement.
Birth doulas are now relatively well known. End-of-life doulas are less familiar to many people, but they can play a valuable role in helping people and families prepare for death.
What does an end-of-life doula do?
There isn’t one standard role or service offering for an end-of-life doula. Different doulas have different training, experience, and approaches.
Depending on the person and their needs, an end-of-life doula may provide:
Emotional support: A calm, compassionate presence for the person who is dying and their loved ones.
Practical support: Help with organising information, preparing for appointments, coordinating practical tasks, or understanding the different decisions that may need to be made.
End-of-life planning: Support to think about your wishes for your care, death, funeral, ceremony, body disposition, and other aspects of your end-of-life experience.
Legacy work: Help creating letters, memory books, recordings, or other ways of preserving stories, memories, and messages for loved ones.
Spiritual or emotional support: Support that reflects the individual’s beliefs, values, and preferences.
Funeral and after-death support: Assistance with thinking through funeral or celebration-of-life options and practical arrangements after death.
Grief and bereavement support: A supportive presence for loved ones before and after the death.
Education and information: Helping families understand the dying process and identify questions they may want to ask their healthcare team.
Some doulas may also help people who aren't in their end of life stage, but want to become more comfortable talking about death and start planning for the end of their life.
Do death doulas provide medical care?
Generally, no.
End-of-life doulas provide non-medical support. They don't replace doctors, nurses, palliative care teams, psychologists, counsellors, or other healthcare professionals.
A doula may work alongside a person's existing healthcare and support team, helping the person and their family with the practical and emotional aspects of the experience.
It's important to understand what a particular doula does, what training they have, and what services they provide before engaging them.
Why might someone use an end-of-life doula?
Death can involve an enormous number of decisions.
There may be conversations about medical treatment and care, where someone wants to spend their final days, who they want around them, what they want their funeral to look like, what happens to their body, what happens to their pets, and what they want to leave behind for their family.
For loved ones, there can be a lot to organise while also trying to process what is happening.
Having someone whose role is focused on providing non-medical end-of-life support can give a person and their family another source of practical and emotional support.
For some people, it can also make talking about death feel more manageable.
Death doulas and estate planning
There is some overlap between end-of-life planning and estate planning, but they are different things.
Your estate plan deals with legal matters such as your Will, Enduring Power of Attorney, Advance Health Directive, and how your assets and responsibilities are dealt with during incapacity and after your death.
An end-of-life doula can support you with the broader personal and practical aspects of planning for death.
For example, you might work with a doula to think about:
where you would like to receive care;
who you would like around you;
your funeral or celebration-of-life wishes;
whether you would prefer burial or cremation;
music, readings, rituals, or other elements of your farewell;
what you would like your family to know;
letters or recordings you would like to leave for loved ones; and
the kind of experience you would like your loved ones to have.
Some of these wishes can be recorded in your Letter of Wishes, while others may be conversations or plans that sit alongside your formal estate planning documents.
The important thing is understanding which parts of your plan need to be legally documented and which are better recorded as personal wishes or practical instructions.
Death literacy matters
Death is something every one of us will encounter, yet many of us have very little experience talking about it.
We can spend years planning weddings, births, holidays, careers, and retirement, while avoiding conversations about what happens when life comes to an end.
Building our understanding of death and dying can help us make informed decisions while we have the opportunity to make them.
It can also make things easier for the people we leave behind.
You don't need to be dying to start thinking about your end-of-life wishes. In fact, planning ahead gives you more opportunity to consider your options, have meaningful conversations with the people you love, and put the appropriate legal documents in place.
Could an end-of-life doula be right for you?
There is no single right way to approach death, dying, grief, or end-of-life planning.
If you're considering working with an end-of-life doula, take the time to understand their qualifications, experience, services, fees, and professional boundaries.
And if you're thinking about your own end-of-life wishes, don't forget the legal side of the equation.
Your estate plan can give your loved ones clear directions about what happens if you lose capacity and what happens after you die. It can also give you the opportunity to make decisions about your assets, your care, and the people you trust to act for you.
Starting the conversation now means you can make those decisions while you're able to make them.
Want to explore your end-of-life wishes?
We have a range of free resources to help you start thinking about death, dying, and estate planning, including The Complete Estate Plan Guidebook.
You can also learn more about how your Will, Enduring Power of Attorney, Advance Health Directive, and Letter of Wishes can work together as part of your estate plan.